Opens with scenes of Sam and his family having a happy time in a peaceful town
ANNOUNCER Sam Bowden and his family have just come to New Essex ... and so has his past.
Sam and a private investigator in Sam's office.
SAM BOWDEN I'm scared.
INVESTIGATOR What's your connection with this guy?
Danielle Bowden in her bedroom and on the phone.
DANIELLE BOWDEN Who is this?
Eddie Munster getting out of prison.
SAM (Off Camera) I hardly remember him. It was twenty years ago.
POLICE OFFICER What about your books?
EDDIE MUNSTER Already read 'em.
Eddie walks toward the camera and rams right into it, a takeoff of DeNiro's scene in "Cape Fear," where he got as close as you can to a camera
ANNOUNCER Eddie Munster ... in "CAPE MUNSTER"
INVESTIGATOR What's he got on you?
SAM I was working for the network and he blames me for canceling "The Munsters."
Eddie in a back alley
EDDIE Come out, come out wherever you are!
INVESTIGATOR This guy threaten you?
SAM Yeah. But he's clever, so the law can't touch him.
Eddie in his car, holding a HUGE leash with the name "Spot" on the tag
EDDIE I'm just saying I found your pet's collar. I'm not saying I did anything.
Sam's office. Camera focuses on the investigator, who can't think of anything to say. He motions with his head to switch back to Sam; he can't thing of anything to say either. Eddie in his car
SAM Look, if this is about work, I can get you an audition.
EDDIE (Laughing) Audition? I don't think you really, really understand what we're talking about here.
Strip search of Eddie, where he displays the various tattoos on his body. Among them are: "FESTER IS MINE," "GRANDPA SUCKS," a broken heart with the name "Lily" above it, and a drawing of Herman Munster.
Sam and the investigator are watching him behind a one-way mirror
INVESTIGATOR I don't know whether to look at him or go trick-or-treating.
Eddie in the alley
EDDIE YOU CANCEL MY SHOW!!!
SAM We got this freaking psychopath tearing up our family and I don'tknow what to do about it!
Scene switches back and forth between Danielle in her bedroom, on the phone, and Eddie talking back to Danielle while working out upside down
DANIELLE My parents just don't understand. They're just, like, fighting all the time.
EDDIE I know, I know. My daddy was a ten-foot Frankenstein with bolts in his neck.
Listen to this, it'll make you feel better.
He turns on the theme to "The Munsters" Danielle smiles to herself.
Eddie in the alley.
EDDIE UP YOUR NOSE WITH A RUBBER HOSE!!! BARBARINO!!!
Eddie and Danielle in the drama classroom at Danielle's school
DANIELLE You're not the drama teacher, are you?
Danielle's bedroom, who is now fighting with Sam. He grabs Danielle.
SAM They'll never be any connection between you and Eddie Munster!
The drama room.
EDDIE Maybe I'm the Big Bad Wolf. Mind if I put my arm around you?
Eddie in the alley, singing the theme song to "Laverne & Shirley"
EDDIE We're gonna do it my way, counselor! We're gonna make my dreams come true!
The drama room
DANIELLE (Giggling) No, I don't mind.
Eddie walks over puts his finger in Danielle's mouth, accidentally taking out her retainer. Then it switches back to the alley, where Eddie howls at the moon. The title "CAPE MUNSTER" appears.
(Special thanks to Kevin Leonard for transcribing this!)