The Ben Stiller Show  

















Episode 2 - With Bobcat Goldthwait

Image = Image Transcript = Skit transcript

Long episode descriptions provided by Janelle Riley.

Tom Cruise: Dress Casual

Melrose heights 90210-2402
The Fox teen-soap parody that inspired the wrath of Aaron Spelling.

Tonight Show Auditions
Guest: Todd Bridges


Advantage Aggasi

Stiller's Video Diary

Cops in Salem, Mass.

Long Description

The opening sketch features Stiller doing one of his favorite and most accurate impressions: Tom Cruise. In "Tom Cruise Dress Casual," the superstar takes to the stage to re-enact some of his most famous roles. He segues from "Rainman" to "Born on the Fourth of July" to a dance montage of scenes from "Top Gun," "Cocktail," "The Color of Money" and "Risky Business." Stiller perfectly captures Cruise's nasally snicker and smart-aleck smile.

Stiller introduces guest Bobcat Goldwaith, who is confused about the content of the show. They introduce "Melrose Heights, 90210-2402." a parody of the glut of Fox programming aimed at young adults. The show's cast is introduced:

"Devin...handsome, attractive and good-looking." (Stiller)

"Britton...she's beautiful, pretty and gorgeous." (Garofalo)

"Tank...he's just as attractive as Devin, only with slightly different sideburns ...they're...less pointy" (Stiller again)

" exchange student who's learning that 'America' is more than just a language." (Angela Visser)

"Spider...all he's ever had is his music...kind of" (Dick, playing the guitar very poorly)

"Vaughn...a sassy, English prankster...with a twinkle in his eye...and a secret." (Odenkirk)

"And Akeem...the black guy." (DeVeau Dunn)

This particular episode of "Melrose Heights" deals with the school's prejudice after Devin reveals he has a headache. Although he becomes a social outcast from people who fear they'll catch it, his friends stand by him and they end the episode with a rousing song. Devin sings: "I had a headache, but I'm okay...I am a young adult, and I am in love..."

Ben and Bobcat discuss the best way for Ben to promote his new show. This leads to a discussion of how Johnny Carson, the father of comedy, never helped Bobcat's career by letting him on the show. Ben consoles Bobcat as he wails: "My daddy doesn't love me!" This leads to a behind-the-scenes glimpse into the auditions for the new host of "The Tonight Show". Along with Jay Leno (Judd Apatow), celebrities from Todd Bridges (as himself) to William Shatner (Stiller) try out. Steven Seagal (Odenkirk) wants to open the show by kicking down a door, while Sinead O'Conner (Garofalo) doesn't want to tell a joke "when there's so much suffering in the world". The auditions turn bloody when Shatner and Seagal break into a traditional "Star Trek" fight. Shatner wins, but cries out to the judges: "Look at us! Is this what you want? you've pitted us against each other, like animals in a cage! For what? a silly, late-night talk show. Do you know what it is to love?"

There is a promo for the new Fox sitcom "Skank", starring a dirty sock puppet (voiced by Dick) with an attitude. Constantly berating his wife (Garofalo) and guest star Normal Fell (as himself), Skank introduces his catchphrase: "Shut yer stinkin' trap!!!"

ESPN and the World Tennis Organization team up to bring us the made-for cable movie "Advantage Agassi," starring tennis pro Andre Agassi (Stiller) as a crime fighting athlete. Martina Navaratilova (Garofalo) plays Cyborg 40-Love and Ernie Hudson (as himself) plays Agassi's captain, prone to spouting such cliches as: "This is a game of've been playing singles way too long!" And perennial villain Armand Assante (Odenkirk) finds a creative way to torture Agassi, by chaining him to a wall and letting an automated pitching machine pelt him with tennis balls. The advertisement promises the show to be "a high-strung, grand-slam, scruffy-faced, line judge, ground-stroke winner!"

Bobcat and Ben introduce the "Video Diary," where a 16 year-old Ben is about to go to a VanHalen concert. Literally bouncing off the walls, the long-haired, tie-died Stiller plans to make his move on Sarah Dalton during Eddie VanHalen's "Jaime's Crying" guitar solo. When Stiller returns a few hours later, he's covered in mud and states: "All I can say know, if you have your blanket down, that means that's where you're sitting, right? And you shouldn't lose your spot when you go to the bathroom! You know, nobody owns grass!"

There's a brief commercial for the "Skank Hotline," telephone number 1-900 123-SYST. (Shut Your Stinkin' Trap).

"Cops In Salem, Mass" tracks Constable Miles DeSipio (Stiller) and Lt. Constable Josiah O'Donohue (John O'Donohue) investigating a witch sighting in 1640. The "Witch" (Garofalo), is arguing with two men (Dick and Odenkirk), and swears she's innocent. When Dick reveals the woman is no more than a simple prostitute and the argument began because they refused to pay her, Odenkirk claims: "Of course he'd say that, he's a witch, too!" The two "witches" are hauled off to be dunked in a cauldron of water and "if they drown, we'll know they' weren't witches."

Bobcat wants to direct the show, and takes over the hand-held camera following them around. He ends up making a run for it, with Ben chasing after him. The closing credits feature more "Tonight Show" try-outs, including a crazed Todd Bridges pulling a gun when his audition is cut short.


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