The Ben Stiller Show  

Episodes

 
 


Episodes:

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13

Blue & White
Dandruff Shampoo

Bob and Ben are at a produce stand when an attractive woman
(Janeane) walks by.

Ben speaks in a geeky voice throughout the skit.


     BOB
I've gotta meet her.

     BEN
Down boy! 

     BOB
It's now or never! I'm going to introduce myself. 

     BEN
Attention shoppers, this man wants to make a good impression, but
he's got DAN-DRUFF! 

     BOB
What? 

     BEN
The only thing she's going to do when she sees you is flake out! 

     BOB
Hey, will you quit talking like that? 

     BEN
Like what? 

     BOB
In that voice, will you stop speaking in that stupid funny voice all
the time?

     BEN
News flash: this is the way hip and clever young people are supposed
to talk.

     BOB
Yeah well, it's just stupid, all right?

Here she comes.. Hi!

     JANEANE
Hi!

Ben throws an orange into the grocery bag.

     BEN
He shoots, he scores!

(A beat.)

Whoops, looks like someone noticed your DAN-DRUFF! 

     BOB
Hey, what she noticed is how lame you are.

    (To Janeane)
Hi, my name is Bob.

     JANEANE
Hi!

Ben juggles fruit.

     BEN
And I'm the amusing young friend who teaches him all about DAN-DRUFF! 

     BOB
I'm really sorry about my friend. 

     JANEANE
What's wrong with him? 

     BOB
Well, for one thing he's obsessed with dandruff. 

     JANEANE
Oh. 

     BEN
(Speaking into a carrot)
Are we having fun yet? 

     BOB
For some reason, he keeps speaking in those irritating funny phrases
I just... I just hate him so much some times. 

     BEN
Better beam me up Scotty, there's no intelligent life here. 

     JANEANE
Do you want to get a cup of coffee or something? 

     BOB
Yeah, I'd love too. 

     JANEANE
Great. 

They leave. Ben is standing alon.

     BEN
I don't think we're in Kansas anymore! 

Grocer walks up to Ben.

Hey Mr. Wilson, know why your wife left you? You've got DAN-DRUFF!

Ben runs off.

     ANNOUNCER
Blue & White Dandruff Shampoo, because we think this is the way that
really cool people talk.

Caution: Use of this product may result in decreased sense of
humor. Manufacturer is not responsible for loss of friends. 

Transcribed by Feldamundo

 
 

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